Love

Love and relationships are never like the movies no matter how much we want them to be. But when something beautiful ends, for whatever reason, it's most important not to be disappointed that it's over, but glad that it happened at all.

Sometimes, we just have to let go of someone who matters to us not because we have to, but because it’s the right thing to do. Let us remember that we can’t force anyone to love us. We can’t beg someone to stay when she/he wants to leave or be with someone else. This is what love is all about.

However, the end of love is not the end of life. It should be the beginning of understanding that everything leaves for a reason, but leaves with a lesson.

My gift is my love for you

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside me
I'm not one of those who can easily hide this feelings.
But I don't have much money but girl if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
My life is wonderful with you around
And you're the sweetest thing I've ever seen
I love you girl cause someone like you come once in a life time ;)

You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance

The writings on the wall, you've read that I'll be gone, but if you call my name
Just know that I'll come running, for one more night to spare with you
This is where I'm meant to be, please don't leave me

I walked into your house this morning
I brought the gun from our end table
Your blood was strewn across the walls
They'll find you on your bathroom floor when I'm done

But should I write it all off?
You should have killed me when you had the chance

I just wanna run

I just wanna run, hide it away
Run because they're chasing me down
I just wanna run, throw it away
Run before they're finding me out
I just wanna run...

That shine that spark

You tought us what it means to live and we will think of you everyday, we will never forget you. Here's to you and we will raise our drinks one last time, I never tought I'd have to say this, I never thought i'd have to say goodbye. One life lost a thousand memories fade in, your memory will never fade in mine

You opened your door to show me there was hope so I'll take it and run to show the world so they will know your fire won't burn out and I hope heaven needs you more then I do now.



We love you.

Behind the scenes

She means the world to me. Wanna tell her that she's beautiful, and show her that she's loved. Hold her hand when she's scared, tell her how much I care.

Side To Side

What I love about you girl is you just wanted to be my girl, never had another care in the world never begging for diamonds and pearls. Damn I love your smile and your hair when it curls, all I wanna do is take your picture no make up on.

With money you can buy

With money you can buy a house, but not a home

With money you can buy a clock, but not time

With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge

With money you can buy medicine, but not life

With money you can buy sex, but not love.

Dedication

You'll never really find those perfect words.
Something more than just "Goodbye."

It's hard to remember the good times when there's just so much heartache,
but they deserve more than that.
They deserve more than just one single moment of sadness.

So just remember that when there's enough love in our hearts
To burst like a fucking supernova
And there sure is enough love in our heart to smile that famous smile.

We all lose someone at some point in our lives,
but don't ever let go of that smile.

Hold on forever. Because that's our final dedication

Cats

This is this cat.
This is is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is a cat.
This is dumbass cat.
This is busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
This is seconds cat.
* Now go back and read the THIRD word in each sentence starting at the top.

Chris Medina - What Are Words

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
Anytime you whisper my name, you'll see
How every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

And I know an angel was sent just for me
And I know I'm meant to be where I am
And I'm gonna be
Standing right beside her tonight

And I'm gonna be by your side
I would never leave when she needs me most

What are words
If you really don't mean them
When you say them
What are words
If they're only for good times
Then they don't
When it's love
Yeah, you say them out loud
Those words, They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

Anywhere you are, I am near
Anywhere you go, I'll be there
And I'm gonna be here forever more
Every single promise I keep
Cuz what kind of guy would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

I'm forever keeping my angel close

[Baby, this is the song from me to you. I know what's going on but I ain't gonna say anything. I love you, lets fight the past together]

I'm not that dumb as you think I am

I have eyes to see, I got heart to feel and I got a brain to think. I'm not as dumb as you think I am. I know what's going on, is just I don't wanna say anything much.

I have my side of the story I want to tell you but sometime I feel like is the best not to tell you now. I don't wan cause of what I feel, change the both of us. I really really am trying my best.

I really really want us to turn out what we want. I really love you and I'm not giving up. Sometimes I just wish you would tell me what going on your mind. I wish that person can get away from our life.

I love you and it will always stay that way, but today for the very first time I got a feeling that you gonna leave me. Not sure why I feel this way, maybe I'm crazy or I think too much.

I still love you and today is us being together for a week and I really want us to last. Guess I just scare of losing you, scare of losing what we have.

And now I quote "Sometimes I wish I never knew the truth behind this door"

This Is Our Story Now

Finally, I can tell everyone that I'm no longer single. I'm taken so is my heart by this girl call Claudia Tan Shu Min. We are together now which makes me real happy. I finally understand what true love means again.

Girl, I won't let you down. I will do my best in anyways just to show you my best and make you happy. I know we have our past, a past that we can hardly forget but hey look at us now. It's no longer your world or my world but it's our world now, so girl let's do this together okay? We can pull this off, we can fight for what we believe.

Girl, let the damn bitch be the ghost of our past. It's no longer what you have to face it anymore, I will face it with you. You don't have to be alone to walk this road anymore, cause I'm walking it with you.

I promise not to disappoint you and I won't break that promise. I won't let go of this love, and girl let's fuck the rest cause we the best. I love you baby, I really do and I mean it.

And now I quote "This is a new chapter now, let's write it together ♥"

What Become Of Us

Hey, you guys may think so fast? I'm back again blog? Well something just happen. You see she ask me to let go yet again. And somehow I guess I become a main sources for her pain?

She want us to be friends? Cause she afraid to hurt everyone in this situation. Well I will still love her, still adores her, still miss her, still be fighting for her, still not letting go of this love I have for her and lastly I will still be waiting for her.

If being friends is what she really want then I will do it I guess? I won't be happy but at least she will be. As long as she smile again, that's all that matters to me. I will still wait, I have nothing to lose anymore. This time I'm doing this alone, I won't give up on this.

If she ever hurts you tell me, cause I won't like you be treat that way. I'm here for her, now and forever.

And now I quote "The fire in my eyes are still burning, my heart is still beating and my love for you ain't dying."

Wonder Of The Younger

Hello! Ya I know, it's long since I blog again? Well just to keep my blog alive here's a little post. Well school is great? Never been better I guess? Family are still strong as the same.

Well and my love for her? Let's just say that even Superman can't break it? My love for her is strong and I'm not giving up nor will I let go like this. I'm fighting for her and trying my very best.

I'm gonna treat her right. She deserve better, I won't make her sad nor will I make her cry. I love her and I'm still doing everything I can to show her that I'm worth it.

This time, I'm making a stand. No longer that old Raymond wishing for love to come but now I'm fighting for the love I want!

Will update soon, I promise

And now I quote "Something in my heart told me to tell you, I love you"

Bye

Hey everyone, ya I know it's been long since I last blog. Well I got a lot things to do, love is most of the part. She's the first girl that I felt so alive with, I know it's weird way to put it.

I guess this is goodbye again? Going MIA yet again, but I ain't giving up. I'm not giving out this love I have for her and I will fight till the end. I know this is the road she choose but I don't want her love to go to waste, I'm trying. I really am.

I know that I'm not the person she miss nor love, but she is the person I miss and love. So be it, this fight is on and this time I'm serious. How I wish her stead know how lucky "HE" is to have her. Well I'm waiting and I will be there for her till the end.

So this is it, goodbye and so long

And now I quote "I'm always the one, waiting for you message and missing you"

Nothing have change, I'm still the same

Wow, it's been long since I blog. So I'm posting something now. Okay now there's a news, I broke up with her. Well I don't care what people say about us, just act like I'm the one who have the feeling fade and let me be the bad guy of this story.

Well there's nothing much I could say now? Oh and I got warning letter from ITE, which sucks to the max. Oh well so be it. School is fine for the most of it which is a good thing I guess? Family still the same, awesome as always. Friends? Well Don't wanna think too much but I'm lucky that I have some true friends around me.

Alright I will blog till here, will update next time if I have the time. I'm moody lately, "EMO" is still on till now, hope this feelings of pain won't last.

And now I quote "I lost my smile today, so I fake a smile so no one will know"

To The Hell With IT

Hey it's me, I know I had not been posting anything lately? Too busy with life and love I guess. Still I'm here to blog about something? Well at least it's better than nothing right?

Okay I have a confession to make, I'm slowly becoming someone I hate. Don't ask me why cause I won't say! I'm liar, cheater and an asshole. I'm evil, no longer good and my mind is full of sick thoughts and shit.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not too sure myself. All I know is that I'm alone talking to myself, so unsure if the good side of me or the bad side of me will take over.

Not sure what really happen that make me this way now. Maybe love? Life? Or school? Well to the hell with it. Screw this, I'm leaving this fuck up matter! Now I know that in this world many only think for themselves! I don't even know why I try so hard to make everyone happy and end up I becoming the sad one.

So fuck it, I'm gonna play from now on. Fuck you all! Don't try to get in my way if you don't want to get burn!

And now I quote "I don't give a fuck, I just came here to party!"

Space Between Us

Hey it's been long since I blog, but hey I'm here to update now. The love between us is up and down and I hate it. I want to make us last but how? I'm sad in 1 case is I just want us to be happy but how? And I wonder..

Not saying that I want to break but I don't want to break at all! But time after time she keep pushing me away and that feeling is fuck up! I know it's not her fault? But I'm already keeping this relationship of ours slowly..

And yet I just got push away over and over again. Can't I even hold her hand? Am I not good enough for her? The space between us is far and I'm trying my best to make every second count but how? The space between us is worst but it's not getting any better.

I just hope we can pull this through and last long as much as we can. I'm not giving up yet, I'm just having doubts for this love of ours.

And now I quote "This love never dies till the end of times"

Nothing But Body Art

Today will be blogging about something different and I know it's been a while since I update. Call me crazy, mad, insane or retard but I somehow like this thing call Body Art. What I love the most is the tattoos, all thanks to a good friend of mine call Millie that intro me this show call for "Miami Ink".

After watching that show, I start to have another type of view on tattoos. Cause those people in the show get tattoos for a reason and also there's always a story behind it. That's what make me feel that having tattoos is not showing people that you are a big gangster or what but is just another way to show yourself or your life story to other people.

Still I may not know much about Body Art yet but I want to understand more of it. Just cause there's black sheep in the world having tattoos but don't like 1 person change your view on something.

Right now I do have plans for tattoos or design I want to get but I want to get it after I'm done with army? That's what I want to do now, learn more about it then do it. Sometimes I wish the adults mindset will be more open and not keep staying at the same place since many years ago.


Johnny Depp have tattoos and this is what he said, "My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist"

There's a deep meaning in it, I won't say what but you got to understand it yourself. Alright I will end here, will blog soon if I can.

And now I quote "Love is not a game but a test for both"

It's been a while

Hi everyone! It's been like a week or so since I blog? But it's been crazy or busy day for me. Chinese New Year is awesome! The sad thing is I didn't really get a lot of "Ang Bao" well it's alright for me I guess? As I enjoy myself with my family and friends.

Okay on the other hand which sucks to the max is I'm sick! This really sucks! Can't even go out and it's getting worst bit by bit! Don't feel like seeing the doctor cause again need money!

Hope I can recover as soon as I can before my birthday! And she and me is doing fine, which is a good thing I guess? Alright tomorrow will be school reopen! Don't know if I will recover before tomorrow? Let's just wait and see then.

Well nothing much to blog about now, but I just want to blog about some random thing to make my blog alive. Alright I will stop here, will update soon if I can.

And now I quote "Love me or hate me, that don't bother me"

The world grow with me

Hi everyone! It's me and I'm back again! Fast? Well that's me, always moving on to the next chapter of life. Just not long ago I had a quarrel with her. She said she don't trust me? Well she's afraid that I cheat on her, but the truth is I got cheated once also got my heart broken once so I understand the feeling and the pain so I won't and will never do that to anyone, not even her! So maybe sh just think too much I guess? I trust her but I just hope she can trust me too.

Quarrel really suck, just hope we won't keep quarreling already. On the other hand, Chinese New Year is getting nearer! Gonna get my hands on shit loads of "Ang Bao" hope I can get a lot so I will be able to get what I want on my wish list! So fast and it will be February, wonder how my life this year will be? Hopefully it will be awesome!

Lately it just keep on raining! And it's so freaking cold! I got a feeling that I'm gonna catch a cold soon! Oh gosh hope I don't get sick in Chinese New Year! I'm looking forward for on the 5th of February. Cause I'm gonna meet up with all my close friends and I totally enjoy myself with them!

And lastly I will like to ask this, WHAT THE FUCK HAPPEN TO ADELPHIA?! Seriously what the fuck happen? I know all of us are busy with each other life but we are like totally no contact! Well at least I'm still the one trying I guess? And one of them don't even reply me! WHAT THE FUCK?! Really wonder what the fuck happen!

Alright I will stop here, will update soon if I can? Mostly I will be updating everyday for no reason? I just love blogging about life and I enjoy doing so.

And now I quote "Giving you a taste of your own medicine"

Taking A Break

Hey, it's me again. Feel like blogging now and don't ask me why. As the title says, I'm taking a break. From what? I don't have a idea myself too, I'm just too tired of life I guess? Yes, I have a girlfriend but it sucks that there's not really any chance to meet her. Slowly I'm kinda of tired of trying to ask her out but my feelings for her is still strong no matter what. It's just that knowing that she can't meet me just pull me down into "Emo" mood.

Every time I log in to Facebook or Twitter, all I see is people life story but when will people start looking at mine? Understand my story, wear my fucking shoes and walk my road before you can start talking shit about me. Sometimes there's always people who like to see you sad, helpless and at your downfall.

Well fuck those haters who talk shit about me, friends? Don't call yourself that cause you ain't one. I had it, no more Mr Nice Guy. I'm giving a 100% into it, take me for granted and I will give you my cold blood. You are a fool that try to fit in my shoes! You know you can never be me nor can you replace me so why try?

I gonna take a break from this crap, take a break from fuck up feeling for me waiting to meet her. I love her but I guess waiting is my role as a boyfriend now. And also break from fake ass friends and haters. Haters gonna hate but they won't get no love cause they know no matter what I will still get up once again like how I always do.

Alright now this is me, taking a break. No idea how long will it takes? Maybe real fast or it will be long. No one knows, and not even me. Like what she told me before we were together, let times speak for itself.

And now I quote "Taking a break from life, having a vacation with death"

I'm here waiting and yet I'm still here waiting

Hi guys and girls! It's me Raymond! The owner of this blog, the brain behind fuck up or crazy ideas in life. It's me, my life, my time, my feelings and my love are all in this blog. To everything in life there's two sides of the story and this is my side of the story, the side that I want to share also the side that I know.

Wow that's a "not-so-bad" intro for my blog? Ya I know it's been like 2 or 3 days since I blog? Well who's counting? Don't really think there's anyone reading my blog? But hey what the hack, this is where I post about my feelings and I will keep doing that.

Nothing much to blog about really but Chinese New Year is coming! Wish I will get lot's and lot's of cash! It will be great! And about 2 more weeks or so will be my birthday, I hope she's there but the truth is I know she won't be. Well that's life I guess, got to learn to accept the truth and face it.

She's in my mind all the times and that kind of sucks? Well not the I don't want to miss her or what but what I mean is that I wish she could be by my side most of the time? But like I say before this relationship is hard so I understand. That's the only part I can do now I guess? Still haven meet her yet after that day, how I wish there's more time, more freedom for her? No one to blame but that's my job as a boyfriend now, is to love her and wait for her even if it kills.

Something about her just makes me happy? I love it when she reply me "Really?" and look at me with those face telling you that she really want to know and interested at what you are saying, that's what so cute about her to me. And every time she tell me something, I somehow just want to look at her when she talk and will do some silly or cute action. And I will have a warm feeling in my heart and my mind is all about her. It's been long since I really have those feelings and I now that I have this feelings by her, I will try my best to make this relationship last. She's a metal head just like me which give us more topic? Both of us are like joker type if I can put it that way? Which is nice and ya, I guess we match and suit each other? This really is what makes me happy that I found her and in love with her too. And I'm still waiting for the day I can see her again.

Alright I will stop here before you readers find it weird that I keep posting about love? Oh and not sure why but I keep listening to "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" by "Panic! At The Disco" lately, it's their new songs and yes they are back! Okay I will blog another time, maybe soon? Maybe some other days? I'm not sure myself too.

And now I quote "This love is crazy but it's worth it."

It just happen when the time is right

Hi, if you guys know I'm now in a relationship. And everyone have their own story, so this is mine or us if I put it that way? I won't say about how I know her or what happen between us but what I want to say what we did that make us who we are, together.

As you should you know, we stay very far from each other. She stay at the North and I stay at the South, so it's hard to really meet up with each other? I told her that I may not be able to be there for her 24/7 when she need me till to us staying far from each other. And we may not know what will happen to us in the future but this is a gamble we should?

As this love is worth a shot, we become together! And I'm happy course she understand it, that we stay far apart and all that. Count myself lucky that I found a girl that like heavy metal, post-hardcore, rock and hate Justin Bieber just like me! We may not meet up a lot but we just gonna try right? To make this love between us to last.

I also told her that this love will be hard for the both of us but it's a gamble we got to take and it's worth a shot. So what if we stay far? As long as we ourself know we are in love with each other and that's all that matter. A lot people around me say things about her, but hey screw that! So what if those really happen that she play with me? So what if she is just using me? I took this gamble and I will deal with it!

Like I say many times and I will say this again, I love her for who she is and I see her as a whole not part by part like some fuckers do! This is me and this is who I am in love with. Unhappy that we are together? Tell me then don't hide away. Ah love so sweet but yet so bitter sometimes. Just hope everything will turn out to be a happy ending for us? I really hope want us last! Course I love her and that's all I know.

Oh ya I find something which is real funny! You see I have this Sis and I used to like her, yes used to! And now I have a stead and there's this guy that are trying to woo my Sis don't know what the fuck happen want her to delete me from her Facebook? And he even added me! What the fuck right? Hello I have a girlfriend and what for will I like other girls! Plus she is now my Sis and what the fuck are you so worry about? Are you gonna lock her up in her own house next time if you scare she will talk to other guys? Dumb fuck to the max! Well it don't really matter much to me as all I can think of is my Eileen Pang Yi Ling!

And now I quote "She's one of a kind and she come once in a life time. And I'm happy that I'm in love with her"

Hey Baby, Here's That Song You Wanted

I watched the sun again,
it's leaving now
I've spent all night long trying to figure out
What I've lost and what I've failed
When my feet won't hit the ground
Trying to make it, starting over
And will we ever love again?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

So here we are again, to make some sense of it all
All these sudden changes, maybe things are not so different
Rearrange the peices, like it's all we know
It's all we know, let it go

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

I can't put it together, what we've lost
The pieces keep falling one by one
Cos this life has us holding on
Fall tomorrow then it's gone
Fall tomorrow then I call

Hey baby, it looks like you were wrong
How can we make it?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

(Take it all, leave the place behind)

There's no on else tonight
Tonight~~~

Not sure what to post about today, so I guess I should so post this? Yes it's from a song and somehow I feel like this song is singing out my feelings right now? I'm not so sure myself too, it's just that I think this song fit this moment I'm in right now. Songs do show the feelings I am now course I'm not really sure how to show my feelings? Well it's hard to say?

Somehow right now I have thought of staying in ITE, not sure why but just have this feeling? Just hope everything will turn out right, I don't wanna fall again. This is me telling you guys this. No matter what road I walk or whoever I choose I know is for my best but this is a gamble I'm going to take.

Other than love, I guess there's really nothing much I could say? We may stay far but this is the road we got to walk and deal with it. If only, just only you stay near me, so I won't have to worry much. But I guess we will let time speaks for itself as you say?

Well as times pass by, we will go down together and end up in a place where we want or not. Who knows what will happen? Let I say, it's a gamble we got to take!

I wonder what's wrong with me? Lately I just like to keep saying gamble with life and stuff. Don't know what happen that make me do this but ya, I like to say that! Alright end of post, will update soon.

And now I quote "Forever is just a word, it takes two person to make it happen."

There's a wall stopping me from her

Hello! Posted a song lyrics last night, I put songs that is how I feel now! I know is awesome! Okay maybe I think too much?! Alright no idea why but I want to post about this! I meet her today! Yes in person, real life! It's alright if I put it that way? Nothing much really, it's just hanging out?

She is cute in many ways to me. Maybe there will be people say stuff like "Oh she is fat", "Oh she is ugly" or "Oh she so short". Well screw that! When I like someone, I like them as a whole! But kind of think of it, I thought I don't want to have stead thus year?! Gosh, well just let time take care of everything?

As all good things that happen there will always be something bad? Well the thing is she stay so far away from me! She stay at Woodlands well not really at Woodlands but need to take some bus and turn here and there to a place where I have no idea what's it call and very fuck up area? And for me I stay at Telok Blangah Drive! For those who don't know is about 10 mins bus ride from Vivo! She stay at the North and I stay at the South! How fuck up can that be?!

Well just see how it gone, hopefully it will turn up a happy ending for us both? Or is this "love" gonna be bitter sweets like those before her? I'm not sure and I don't want to think that far away. Just wanna stay here and do what's good for me!

Alright I will stop here I guess, will blog soon! Oh ya! I gave her a piggyback ride when I'm sending her home and I'm the first guy friend who do that to her, not even her Ex did it before! Well that's what she say but I'm happy for a little bit.

And now I quote "I won't live forever and we belong together"

If It Means A Lot To You

Is this really happening?
I swear I'll never be happy again
And don't you dare say we can just be friends
I'm not some boy that you can sway
We knew it'd happen eventually

Looking at the past

Hi! Didn't blog last night so I will be blogging tonight! Alright let me ask you guys this. Have there ever been times where you used to like this person and half way everything end? And now things are starting to come back but you have other plans than having a relationship?!

That totally suck to the max! And that is also my case now! Well I used to like her and after some ups and downs between us everything ended. But now things seems to go alright between us, likes somewhat going back? Well I'm not sure, maybe that's just me?

I'm not so sure myself too, I guess I will just take it easy? And let times do whatever it wants to do. Tomorrow is school again! And she asked me to meet her! I told her yes but I say if I can't then I will text her tomorrow! Oh my gosh! What should I do? Like should I meet her? Or not? I'm bloody lost! Dear lord what the fuck is going on with me?!

I have no idea what to do and I'm a mess right now! Oh can someone help me? Okay other topic I guess? Chinese new year is coming and so is my 18 birthday! Gosh can't believe it! So fast and I'm turning 18! Hope everything will turn out awesome! 2011 don't fail me!

Okay I will end my post here, will update soon! Maybe tomorrow? Who knows? All the best to everyone and all the best to me for tomorrow!

And now I quote "I found my heart in the lost and found box"

Childhood, a place where fun never ends

Hi! And yes it's me, I guess that my blog is starting to turn into a daily update blog? Funny because last time I used to update like once every 2 months? Or ever more! But now I just want to keep posting something, just to let me know that I'm still alive doing this. Sharing my feelings and how I feel about life to people who read my blog.

So to those who read my blog, thanks. Thanks for reading my blog and thanks for taking your time to read it. Alright lately I had been posting somewhat a lot of sad post? Well today I don't think I will be doing that? Well I just wanna try to post something maybe fun?

Everyone have childhood, no matter good or bad. Childhood is a place where fun never ends and where there's no need to worry about much things in life. Living a carefree life and just do whatever that you enjoy even when your parents stop you? That's my childhood and I sure miss it a lot.

Thinking back, all our mindset were so simple back then. Last time when I was just a kid, I thought that Ultraman was real! And every time I saw the Ultraman flying on the T.V, I will run out of my house or to the window to see if I could see the Ultraman flying across my house! Yes I was that silly back then. Also I used to thought that being a Power Ranger was like a job! And I will keep telling my parents that when I grow up I want to be a Power Ranger!

Being a child back then was awesome and enjoyable. Oh ya I remember I used to pretend to sleep at night just to see if my toys will come to life after I watched Toy Story! Yes my mind was that simple when I was a kid! Sure miss those time! Making friends back then was so easy! We don't really care who are you at all! We all just play along! Now that was cool!

But as times pass bit by bit, all of us have to grow up and those childhood slowly became childhood memories. And thinking back to that time, I will smile and it's really a smile not just from my face but my heart too. Those were the times when you laugh the most and having whole lot carefree moment the most!

And as we grow older, we understand life more and more, bit by bit. That's life, we got to learn it, we got to fight it and we got to enjoy it. Okay, I will end my post here. I hope that everyone will make every moment count and enjoy all the small things in life cause that's how we know the true meaning of life.

And now I quote "Sometimes I wish that the night will last longer"

I'm to reason for everything that hurts...

I'm lost, is this what I really want? Is this the road that I really want? Well I want but I don't want to hurt anyone in the aftermath. Karma always have it's way to bite me back no matter how far I run or where I hide.

When I'm gone, I guess everything will be alright? Everyone will be happy, I pray to God. Guess I'm scare? Afraid of losing my mind, I always say this is the last time but yet I keep going back to my sinful ways.

I need help, my soul is corrupted by what make me for who I am. I keep talk about my life, but who will help me save my life? Sometimes I do have dying wish, thinking that the world will be better if Raymond wasn't around. No one will gain pain, no one will shed a tear.

I already give my best but how much do you one from me? Hear me out, I'm losing it! Each day I just keep wanting to quit, thoughts of smoking is starting again. Slowly coming up on me and bite me on my fucking neck.

Stress, yea that's right I'm stress! Everyone deserves a second chance but mine was already gone. No chance for me left to redo myself, how I wish I could do so. I make my choice and it's a mistake. How I wish I could have a pill to take so I can forget about everything.

Forget about those worry in life, forget those that I hurt till to me and forget who I am. I'm the main source of the pain and problem. Guess it's right when they say what goes around comes around.

I'm stuck in my own mind, can't get out. I lost my ways, I lost my hope. That's why I start to pray again. Hoping that I will be better and out on for the dark place where I fall into again.

I try to keep it real, keeping everything to myself. Never did I share those with my friends, I just blog about it. Wonder when was the last time I truly laugh or smile, not just outside but my heart and my mind.

I starting to fade away from this place call hopes and dreams. The past is back, the truth is seal. I look up and is just me, alone walking this dark road. I'm lost in my own world that I created, I'm going insane. Turning into a madman in me, I'm falling yet again but this time the pain is worst. It looks like it won't heal no more, I lost my voice in this dark place. I can never shout for help, lost in this maze. Love have ended, the hate have started...

And now I quote "Sometimes death await you, but you never know when it's your turn..."

I Am...

I am a gamer, not a player
I am a rocker, not a fucker
I am a sinner, not a lover
I am believer, not a sinister
I am slacker, not a killer
I am a joker, not a slayer
I am a loser, not a winner
I am a mess, not a maniac
I am alone, not a pretender

This is me, and this is who I am. Lately, I keep trying to isolate from the world. Having some alone time but I hate being alone yet I just want to do it. So who will come along with me and walk this dark journey. Walk into my mind, share my my pain, hear my story, wear my shoes. My mind is a mess, it's crazy, it's insane. It's a maze, will you take your chances to walk into it? I guess no one want and no one will.

End of line, end of time. This is the end but a new beginning of a new story and a new life.

And now I quote "Love songs don't make me love sick but make me sick of love."

Gamble with life, time and love

Life's gamble for everyone. Everyone have a part to play, a role to act. You never know what will turn out if you don't gamble with it. Recently I pray back to God, start to believe in the one up there once again.

Everything in life is about gamble and trade, and this year I'm gambling it with it. Giving it a try, not gonna miss a chance. And yes, this is coming out from a guy that always talks about love but I'm trading love this year for a better me. Putting love aside, stop thinking of it and stop trying with it.

I will isolate from this world, with my art and music. Telling myself to go on, leaving my past behind. My mind is open now after I start praying to God, tell God about my problems, praying for the best for my family.

Before that, I keep believing in Satan. But now all I want is to be on the side of God. I'm not gonna leave Adelphia behind, I will be there for the other 4 till the end. I thanks the Devil for shutting so many doors in me but I thanks God for opening them up one by one to show me the better side of life.

I'm reborn again, the birth of a new Raymond. I know you are up there looking, if only you are still alive to see me in this downfall once again...

And now I quote "Believe it or not, Angels do lie"

Friends? Oh Sorry, You Ain't One

Ah, another day another post. How's you guys lately? Well I'm feeling alright but my heart ain't in ITE now, just want it to end all the bloody shit now. But still, I can't fight fate right? I just have to let it be and see how far I can go and see what I can do or change.

Somehow, I'm lucky to have my friends around me to back me up. I know that I may not really have any friends in my new school and new class but I just don't feel like fitting in and I don't really want to pretend to be someone else just to fit in.

But even if I really make new friends, I will never ever neglect my old friends. Cause what I am now, is cause I have them. Without them I won't make it this far and still fighting.

Believe it or not, I start to pray again. I start believing in God once again, giving it one last time. Being who I was back then. And now that I'm back to the place when I started, I just keep on walking this road.

Being in ITE, I found out things that I should had known back then but I was to blind to see. And now, I will act like nothing happen but one day just one day the story and the lies will end. And the truth colour of you will be shown to not just me but to all the people around you.

Oh, and I found out today that there's a word call Togetherness! How cool was that! Now that word became how we call us, well not really but we just love the word! Now I have my family, Adelphia and those crazy people in Togetherness that make me full of joy each day. Fuck the rest, they the best!

And now I quote "Don't try to silence my words with your lies"

The Rich & The Poor

A rich man's game, a poor man's grave. I just came out with this "quote" on the spot, ain't I awesome or what?! I'm just joking if you know what I mean. Life suck big time when you are not from the rich, that's being poor and that's being me. As you can see, I'm not from a rich family and money is a problem in my family daily life.

As time go by each day, I know that being rich is everything. Having lots of money is the joy of life. But sometimes you need to go back to reality and see our life as it is. But being poor is not something rich people can understand. Being rich, you can get and do almost anything you want with money.

But living your life as a poor, you understand more about life. Enjoying life with those small little things. Won't it be great if the poor become rich? They will enjoy life even more, living life full of joy. Or will the table turn? Will the poor become what the rich have always been?

Still won't it be great if you have lots of money? Even I wish that I have lots of it too. So I won't have to worry about a lot of things like my private O, family and life. But somehow I need to wake up and see that to this world, money is everything.

Alright I will stop talking about the rich and the poor, but I know it's like totally random for me to post something like that. Okay let's talk about something different then. Many people have been asking me how do I come out with all those "quotes"? Like did I copy them someway or did I TOOK IT FROM SONGS LYRICS like most people do? (I caps lock that for a reason, want to let someone see it.)

Well almost all my quotes are mostly base on my life? If not, how I got most of my quotes are from other people's life, songs or movie. When I say songs, don't really mean I took their lyrics. As you should know, to me every songs is like a story but they sing it out. So I put myself in the songs, understand it, listen with your heart not just your ear. That's why I like Post-Hardcore songs, they are mostly base on life, love, hate, happy, sad, anger, family and friends. And for movie, I just make myself feel how the story of it is about.

Those are the way on how I got my quotes, I know those are weird way to get it but it works fine for me. Okay, I will blog next time if I'm able to do so.

And now I quote "Money can't buy love, but money can buy romance"

They Love Me For Who I Am, Unlike You

Hello! Yes I'm blogging again. I just wanna post about something I guess? My feelings? Not those feelings about loving a girl, but a different feeling I guess? Alright I will get to the point. My appeal course in ITE fail and it totally sucks!

I'm gonna appeal to change my campus tomorrow, just hope this works. If you read my blog post before this, you will know why! If I can't, well I maybe going to private O level.

The only thing that I'm worry about is money. I'm just can't stop thinking and worrying about money if I go private O. As you know, I ain't from a rich family that's why I'm worrying about money.

Talk to my Dad just now when I came home. Despite whatever happen in my family, good or bad somehow we always turn up happy? I know sometimes we dislike what each others do but I slowly learn that in family, there's no me but us. I know it sound a little bit like love I guess?

But still, I love my parents no matter what. I told my Dad that I'm more worry about the money, and he ask me not to worry about the money but let him worry about it. Listening to that, my heart have a warm feeling?

Not those kind like falling in love, but something that parents give me that feeling? Now I even more want to work hard, he ask me just faster do my things and change campus. If can't then go to private O, I just hope everything will turn out fine.

Alright I will stop blogging here, will blog soon I guess? Maybe real soon?!

And now I quote "Come on and dance with me on my broke dreams"

Not As Good As They Say It Will Be

Hello everyone, yes I'm gonna blog about my first day in ITE! It's totally not what I think it is. Well let just say it totally suck to the max! Let's start with my class, none of them (Well I think so) is like me. I'm more USA type of guy and they? Well they are like so totally Singapore! They joke within themselves and there's like "AhBengs" and all the crap.

Also something I will like to point out that my class don't even have a good looking girl! I know that is bad to say this but I'm just saying! Not trying to be racist but there are a lot malays in my class and I can't even understand a single shit they say!

And the class is like dam freaking boring and it's awkward as fuck! Don't even know anyone there! This just sucks to the max! Alright you know what? ITE is like bullshit sometimes! Like in the starting they show us video and it's like showing us how nice is ITE but in real life, it sucks!

Plus we have to do don't know what shit ass game which also is boring as fuck and suck to the core! Sorry but I'm kinda of ranting on my blog now, reason why is till to my 2 hours of sleep and after that shitty ITE that's why!

I know is like my first day for school but tell you guys the truth, I will like the normal lesson than this type of shitty stuff call team bonding or whatever you call it! Well best is to end my ITE life as soon as possible!

The sooner this end the better my life will be! Dumb fuck to the max! I just want to say FUCK dam loud now! This feeling sucks! I think if I stay any longer there, I will start to hate it even more than ever!

I want to change class! Better still change school! alright I will stop ranting already before I go ape shit and smash my computer into pieces!

And now I quote "Black sheep kills it all!"

Dream

Hi everyone, never blog last night. Don't feel like it, don't even know why but lately I just want to turn on my "EMO" mood now and then. How lucky I was that my Ipod is there every time I feel like being "EMO", maybe I should stop it? But I can't help it.

Last night, he came into my dream once again. The one that I lose back then, the one that I wish was there every time I smile. Last year when I'm near my downfall, he were there in my dream telling me not to give up. And this time round it's the same but everything and the place where it happen in the dream is totally different.

He told me that a lot of things and how I wish I can just tell someone than just typing out in my blog. All I know is that he ask me don't give up again and also the same he say he will still be looking down on me up there. I'm happy to see him again, say it's weird or scary that a person that pass away came into your dream or what so ever.

Well I don't really care at all. The one thing I know is that I feel more better now, less stress now. Tomorrow will be the day I step into ITE and have a new life, also I will put my past aside.

And now I quote "Why cry yourself to sleep when you can cut yourself to sleep with bleeding love?"

Keep Me Safe

Hello everyone! I know it's weird but lately I keep blogging? Well just wanna blog about something that's all. Few more days left till school start! Gosh I'm still in holiday mood and my sleeping time totally change!

Well guess I need to learn to sleep early already? Have you ever have those feeling that you want to talk to that person but you know that he or she won't reply and that give you a fuck up feeling? I have, a lot!

Lately I just feel like turning on my "EMO" mood again! Oh my god Raymond is turning "EMO" again! Maybe she is the reason why? Or I just listen too much Post-Hardcore songs? Who knows, not even I know.

Suddenly feel like smoking again. For those who know me knows that I only smoke when I'm stress, don't ask me why I do that course I just want to give me a reason not to smoke. And yes the Raymond that's always happy go lucky is stress?! Well I'm a human too, I do have feelings.

Guess I'm stress up about ITE? Having new things around me and also her, how I wish she will know how much I feel about this. Love do hurts a lot and I learn it the hard way. Do I stand a chance? The answer is no, I don't have to ask her at all I just know it. A guy like me will never get a girl who love me as a whole. Alright I will stop here.

And now I quote "Don't need to apologize to me silly, I'm the one getting the heartbreak not you."

Note to God: I never say this but God please wash my sins away, I never ask much from you and I know I'm a sinner but please enough is enough! Just RAIN on me and wash away my sins as I am just a MAN. In the back of my head the Devil speaks to me. More sins to be ahead of me, but I'm trying my best to turn my life around. Well just turn my life better and I promise that I will be good, but never ever take my family, friends and Adelphia away from me! I need help... I need a listener... I need someone... I need you...

Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows

Take me, hate me
But you can't make me come clean
So stop telling me I'm not the man you should believe

If dying is your way out
Then count me in I'm coming
Maybe you'll difference me
And I'm so used to being a coward
It's all I've ever been
I quit before I win

Hurt me once, yet you hurt me twice

Love is in the air lately for everyone I guess? Sometimes, I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I can't really express myself when I'm sad or angry? All I do is put a mask and show everyone that I'm happy. Then I blog about my feelings, that's what I do best all the time.

Is it me or just that almost every couple have their own little world, my friends and my sweet parents. Someday I wish I can have a girl that love me for who I am, not what I am. See me as a whole not part by part, but I think that the someday will never happen to me.

I learn my lesson, last time I treat love as a game and a toy after I broke up with my 5th ex. And now I really got burn by it, never thought this will happen to me. But if I can change anything last year, I will only change my point of view in love. I regretted but what can I do now? There's nothing I can do at all, I can only stand I watch how each of them walk pass me. Being hurt by me or I got hurt by them.

Who knows if they read my blog? Well I want to take this chance and say, I'm sorry for all the things I done, all the hearts I break and all the feelings I hurt. I learn my lesson, and now I got hurt as the end result.

Guess I could never trust love again until a girl that is brave enough to steal my heart away from me. That's me now, how I see and feel about love. Just hope it won't end like last time.

Oh, I don't know if you will read this but ya, you change really. You not who I used to know anymore? You like clubbing now and hanging around with your new friends. I know I have no rights so I'm not gonna do anything. It's your life, your freedom. All I want is to wish you well.

And now I quote "I'm no prince charming but for you, let's pretend I found your slipper and we'll stay out past midnight."

Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Mirror, mirror on the wall.
She's the one that makes me fall.
Fairytales and lullabies come to life as we say goodnight.
Mirror, mirror speak to me.
If this is just a fantasy,
I don't mind cause I've never felt so alive.

Up, up here we go

Credit to Millie Ng for taking this photo, why I use this? Well it's purple and I love purple colour and it look nice!

Few more days and I will be going to study in ITE, kinda of worry you know? Like will I make enemy or friends? Well I know that not to trust any only there much, they are just friends in school but outside we just know each other that's all?

Hopefully everything will turn out alright and I wish all my friends that are going to sec5 all the best. Going to cut my hair today, well it's Adelphia outing? Since all member of Adelphia will be there. Will take photos of the hand sign that we made for Adelphia.

I sure miss everyone, all those times that we used to had. Dam those are crazy some crazy days. Oh well I will blog soon? Ending my post here. You make my life crystal clear.

And now I quote "When a girl is jealous , it's normal but when a guy is jealous, he really love her."

New year, new start

Hello everyone, it's 2011! Yes it's a new year and a lot things gonna come ahead of us. See the photo up there? I was with them on my new year eve and dam I got a hell load of fun. I enjoy myself and I hope they do too.

As the new year start, all of us will not have much time to meet up with each other and have fun. But still our friendship is will be strong, I will never throw away my friendships with them at all!

I love all of them and no matter what I will fight and don't give up. So what's my resolution? Well it's easy just to do real good for my ITE and go poly and lastly will always be with my family and friends. That's what I'm want now, nothing much.

So whatever happen in 2010 is the past, sad or happy that's just memories. Alright, I will end here, no quote today but something different.

We are all the same
We are strong together
We are the brotherhood
We are the children of Adelphia

Raymond, Lucas, Kevin, Kelvin , Clarence