Stop joking and just keep on running

Not gonna blog about what I do or whatever bullshit you thinking of. Sorry if those words don't suit you guys but I'm kinda of piss off of my self. I told my self to study this year and yet I ran away from Social Studies mock test. I tried my best! I really did but I guess I need to push my self to the limit. You may think being me is just jokes all day but being me is hard, I want to change my ways. Never wanted all this to happen but it all did. My life change from bad to worst?

Yes I do have friends to back me up who support me but how long will this last? 1 year? 2 year? May be I should face the fact that it's time for me to put down this fuck up playful me and go to study mood? I don't even know why but all in my head is what I am going to do after N level but not about what am I going to do for N level.

How fuck up am I? I never really share the sad me to my friends cause since I was a kid I never let my family and friends get all sad around me so I learn to keep all the sad side of me to my self. I don't know will my friends even read this post or whatever butt fuck, I don't care anymore. I have great friends and I love them till I die. But will they understand my feeling? Keeping everything to my self is hard. Alone thinking about sad past hurts.

How I wish there is someone that really understand how I feel sometime but I guess that won't happen? This Raymond that joke everyday is just a mask and it's not the real me. I guess I really need to push my self to the limit. Time to wake up Raymond! No more playing!

Will see how tomorrow Social Studies turn out to be. Need to face the fact and face the punishment. So many sins I did in that school of mine.

I'm sorry to all those teachers that I even hurt, that I even disrespect. I'm sorry that I slept in your class, sorry for talking back to you teachers. I will change just give me time, I won't let you time teaching me go to waste. I know I'm not a good student and I regret not being one.

A lesson learn, a feeling burn.

And now I quote "Gonna change my ways, redo my sins... Hope tomorrow will be a better day for a new beginning"